Community: Real Life

Po-faced presenters


Oswin Croft

Oswin, 23, is an English Literature graduate. He lives in Glasgow and enjoys football, poetry, wine, indie movies, clothing and learning Swedish. His lifes ambition is to be happy forever and to be good at everything.

There are certain television presenters who Oswin wishes were shut in a dark room far from any television cameras.

I'm a tolerant person. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. So why do I find Channel 4's presenters, particularly those on T4, so repugnant?

Is it the silly haircuts of the T4 presenter I find so offensive? Or the po-faced self possession? What about their inability to read an autocue? I thought the latter was a pre-requisite for television presenting. They just look so awkward.

Rick Edwards admits it took him 35 attempts to get a one line voiceover correct. Surprised? I'm not. He has all the charm of a tree stump, albeit a tree stump draped in checked shirts from Topman.

Are there any exceptions in the T4 crew? Well, it seems Miquita Oliver can read an autocue, but we may never know for certain as she spends much of her time laughing inanely at the scripted banter clumsily interpreted by her fellow hosts. Their zany conversations scream: "Wow what a great time we're having! How weird are we?" Not on my TV you morons. Miquita's croaky and awkward mumblings are enough to drive any human being to distraction. On numerous occasions I've felt like throwing myself against walls to knock myself unconscious and eradicate any memories of having heard her speak. Should it be so hard, waiting for mind numbing re-runs of Scrubs? Alexa Chung provokes a similar reaction, bless her pretty face. Am I alone in such vehement dislike? I pray for the souls of my unborn children I'm not.

"Nick Grimshaw is also inept. He resembles a slack-jawed yokel, slavering spurious nonsense as if he's downed a bottle of Lambrini and stumbled out of a local karaoke bar."

Most presenters can conduct interviews with little difficulty. But our friends at T4 waste our time by asking 'crazy' questions badly. Ian Brown didn't stand for it - he threatened to punch Steve Jones - so why should we?

Nick Grimshaw is also inept. He resembles a slack-jawed yokel, slavering spurious nonsense as if he's downed a bottle of Lambrini and stumbled out of a local karaoke bar. Affectionately known as Grimmers, he strings together meaningless phrases much to the confusion of guests on the show and viewers alike.

Never before has television plunged to such depths. All I ask is that we have some coherency and charisma on our television screens. It's not too much to ask is it? Why is it now dominated by floppy haired idiots with a second class degree from art school and too much money to spend on clothing and clubbing in London?

So I appeal to all budding TV presenters: please avoid the mistakes they have made. You can be entertaining and intelligent. You need only to resort to irony on necessary occasions. And for goodness' sake, get a decent haircut.

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