Love in the credit crunch
When the economy goes bust, so can many relationships. TheSite.org looks at how to cope with love in the credit crunch.
Financial stress is tricky at the best of times but the recession is pushing many relationships to breaking point. Relate says that 22% of couples feel they are arguing more because of money worries, and according to another study, one in four of us is having those rows in bed.
The bad news
The strain means that more couples are seeking professional help. At the peak of the recession, the Local Government Association announced that local councils experienced a 17% rise in demand for relationship counselling.
Relate Centres have also seen a big rise in numbers wanting advice since the start of the recession. "Couples and families have been forced to adapt quickly to the economic crisis," says Roopa Farooki, a novelist and Relate ambassador. "Living on a reduced income is a reality for many and can be a cause of conflict - we feel pressure to provide and guilt if we can't."
It's not unusual for changes forced by the bad economy to be at the root of many couples' arguments. It's not just the lack of money that can make things difficult. A couple's dynamic can really be affected if one partner loses their job and has to rely on the other. Being unemployed can affect your self-esteem and have an affect on your libido.
The good news
It might sound bonkers but having less money can sometimes help to bring couples closer. A report by the Social Issues Research Centre for Friends Provident (SIRC) shows how the recession has been a wake-up call for many of us. Although 68% are still worried about the credit crunch, financial hardship (or just the fear of it) means 20% have been encouraged to discuss money matters and plan for the future. Some of those interviewed by SIRC even agreed that "the recession obliges couples to share financial worries, or at least talk to each other".
"A long-term benefit of the recession may be that this generation of younger people have learnt important financial lessons," says Simon Clamp, managing director UK at Friends Provident.
More than one in four couples who had split up said they had no choice but to continue living together in their rented property.
Recession-proof your love
Denise Knowles, a Relate relationship counsellor, believes now is a really good time to build-up your 'emotional bank balance'. "Instead of putting on the telly, put on some music and chat," she says. "Little things can help you to feel closer."
So be thoughtful and do nice things that don't cost any money, such as getting dressed up and having a special night in. You might even get lucky - which is also free.
Here are our other top five tips on staying loved-up:
- 'Fess up - "This isn't the time to have financial secrets," says Knowles. Use this opportunity to be more open about your spending habits and any debts you are hiding. If you are worried about the bills, say so. Don't let mortgage or rent payments get in the way of your love.
- Be sensitive - Being broke and unemployed can shatter your confidence, so tread carefully if it's your other half who's out of work. Remind them of all their good points and encourage them to keep busy and try new things.
- Budget - It isn't romantic but it helps to decide how much you need to spend on things before you have a row. Agree on cut-backs, especially when dealing with treats and going out. An extra girls' night out or a new pair of trainers can start the mother of all arguments.
- Make a plan - When cash is short, different attitudes to money will show up even more, particularly if debts are piling up. Discuss how you are going to pay the landlord or the credit card bill. If there is a problem, speak to your creditors and seek independent advice from a reputable organisation such as Citizens Advice, National Debtline or Debt Advice Foundation.
- Know when to say no - Think carefully before taking out any debt on your partner's behalf if they are denied credit. This may store up trouble for the future; even if they promise to pay you back, the debt will be in your name and you will be responsible for paying it off, not them.
When all else fails...
However hard you try, sometimes you have to accept that it's time to call it a day and this will bring a whole new set of financial issues to sort out.
Many couples are finding it harder to make a clean break after they split up because of the economy. Two out of five solicitors say that the time taken to sort out a divorce has increased during the recession. Another survey shows that more than one in four couples who had split up said they had no choice but to continue living together in their rented property, while one in forty couples can't sell their homes because of negative equity.
So, you may have to take things slowly. But you never know; the delays may give you the chance to re-think your relationship and even sort things out as financial pressures start to ease.
Image by volunteer photographer Caelinn Seaton Kelly
By Susan Emmett
